I really miss being in a relationship. When I had him, I had everything. He always made me happy and he always gave me something to look forward to. He gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings and I would go to bed with a smile on my face. He would always make me laugh, he would always make me smile, he always knew the right things to say, and he would always be there for me when I needed him. I miss having someone there for me all the time just to talk to. It made me feel like I wasnt so alone in the world, like always had someone beside me when everyone else was against me. I didnt have to hide who I was with him, I didnt have to worry what anyone thought because he was all that mattered and he accepted me for who I was. What I miss most are those little moments when I would be with him just laying in his arms and we would talk forever about everything. I could say whatever was on my mind and I didnt have to worry about getting judged. I miss having someone I could trust like I trusted him. I miss the little things a lot, like those silly moments where I would be mad but he would say something so cute or do something funny so I would laugh. I miss our late night phone conversations and I miss when we would talk about our future. I really believed in everything we planned and I imagined always having him in my life. People say you dont realize what you have until its gone, but I always realized how lucky I was to have him. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I just miss how happy he made me. Its sad that things ended. Everything happens for a reason, but ill never understand why this had to happen. As silly as it sounds, I really thought we would be together for a long time. Everything I believed in was no longer true and it still hurts me and I think it always will. Time heals everything, but its been so long and Im still sitting here fighting back the tears thinking of him. He showed me how it felt to be loved and to be in love but he also showed me what its like to hurt and be heartbroken. Nothing has ever hurt me as much as he has. I hurts so much to think back on everything he once told me because they were all lies. And I still mean everything I told him. I still love him and I always will as much as I wish I didnt. I wish he could say the same but we both know that will never happen. I just hope he thinks of me every once in a while and maybe, just maybe, for a second he misses me too. I wish I was good enough for him because to me, what we had was really something special. All the memories, all the moments are forever in my heart and I cant even explain how much I miss them. Id do anything to relive them and id do anything just to say im his again. But I know that will never happen. Maybe this is all just a lesson in life and one day ill look back and know why god put me through this all. One day this pain I feel from him will help me rather than hurt me. Until then, all I can do is wait for the day I realize im perfectly fine without him. I just have to look forward and try my hardest not to look back. Ill be okay, maybe not today, but some day.
It's safe to say people make mistakes. Everyone deserves second chances, maybe even third chances. But when people aren't willing to right their wrongs or own up to anything, there's no fuckin' point in wasting your time with them. It's that simple.